days without you

long long long time no write blog d~~

so miss u my baby blog.. coz you r the only one who knew me..
i been so tough for myself, my friends and family..
coz i dun wann anyone to c me like this..

when the day i went into hospital to wash my stomach..
coz i hv done some silly thing becoz of her..
i felt so down so down..
i jz wish she was beside me..
holding my hands and ask call me BB..

everything is jz end like this....
i tried to hold her..but she was leaving too..
what we promised each others all became air and bubbles...
she is the one who asked me to hold her tight, nt to let her go..
but now she is the one who wan2 go..
and left me behind here all alone..

i felt my world is so empty without her...
i realize many things after she went out from my world..
i dun nid anything, i only want her...!
but where is she now???

everyday i dream of her, crying in my dream and ask her nt to leave me..
this edy become my wound... a wound that will never been erase 4EVA!!!!
i hate you becoz i loved you so much!

now adays without her in my life..
all our memories keep flash back in my mind....

our 1st meet.. my b'day.. pd trips.. langkawi trips... CNY at her house, at bukit bintang c fireworks.. at suppper club, poppy, barce and at euphoria ( she gv someone pok mong coz of me o.O hahaha very funny right?) every single things all in my mind.......

i wish i could go back those places alone... and jz think of her...
imagine if i at langkawi the house we stay b4, the beach that we overnight at there...
i miss it......... i know u won't acc me back there d...
i won't 4get everything everything......................

my family tot i was too stress in my studies...
so they very worried about me...
i dunno who can i tell about eveyrthing in my hearts...

i wan2 go to beach... and shout..............!
shout loudly....

i got so many things wanna ask u babe..
i saw recently u r so happy with ur life without me..
m i really so bad?
i still remember wat u wrote for me on my christmas gift..
i really very sad can't make u happy...
if the time could turn back.. i wish we r jz best friends..
i reaally can't accept the truth without u in my life..
do u know u'r part of my life..
how could i accept the truth?
2 cure ways.... 1)pretend u r dead, 2)keep tell myself u'll come back on someday..
and i choosed the 2nd... i m living in my own world.. my own imagination..
i kept all the msg that i sent to u in my draft...and jz pretend i'd send the msg to u...
m i crazy?? it jz becoz i too miss u....
i nid to go every week base on my appointment with counseling psychology...
i couldn't found anyone to talk vf my heart...
is jz counseling psychology....
m i mad now???
i wish i m totally mad and jz leave this place...
i wish i could close my eyes and never open...
i wish i never born in this world..
i know the counseling section could help me to recover but it's oso jz depends on me...
whether i wanna recover anot...
although my mind recover... how about my heart??
who gonna heal my heart??
can a doctor jz kill me with his knife pls.....
im suffer!!!!!!!!!!!
god pls help me out of here...!

i m so sad....
i still remember wat we said...
"how if one day i become crazy?"
"no matter wat happened, i'll still will take care on you and nt gonna leave you.."
and this wat i promised you...
"how about if i dead, i become ghost.. will u scared on me?"
u jz smile to me...

sigh...